Kat turns 23

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don’t judge

I fell from grace the moment I realized that the world is not exactly kind nor noble even for a little girl, who’s craving for understanding people and the works of life resulted to rebellion. I could only remember fleeting moments of guileless attitude. I was more reserved than outspoken- afraid to be wrong, and at the same time afraid to be right. I’ve found ways to shield myself from eventual disappointments lest I become too puppy-eyed and hopeful only to be stabbed and shattered over and over.

I had been incessantly hoping for salvation, for someone to hold my hand and show me the brighter, lighter side of life.  A bittersweet ideal that someone would let himself fall with me, to change the course of my flight save me from drowning. I’d gladly let myself be maneuvered, knowing and trusting that he’s willing to share himself with me wholly, and put me back on track. I would no longer be me, a sole entity, but us. And he, willing to let me in his life and be a part of him. I wanted a fearless man, yet tender and open-minded. Unpretentious and truthful. Pathetic, I know. And I was too obsessed with the total idea of “bliss.” I’ve placed my morals and principles to the test. Self-recriminations never helped, it only made me worse, unforgiving. In search of my so-called bliss, I became a menace to people who cared for me, people I owed my life to.

Maybe I’m selfish, maybe I think too much- mostly about the less important things to survive in this world. I have been hurt, especially by people I expected to listen and understand. I have hurt people I never intended to, no matter how much I tried not to. One simply cannot expect too much from anyone. One cannot set himself to be the standard figure of humanity, no matter how he tries to perfect himself because people are individuals. Each person is special and priceless.

I may not be entirely proud of the things I have done, I may be forever haunted by my mistakes but I take full responsibility for my actions and decisions. The path I chose was not a simple one but it taught me a lot. At least when I die, I’d know I’ve lived my life.

photo bucket: summer of 2014

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Ella, moi, Kring, EQ

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MasterD, moi, MissL

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MasterD & MissL

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selfie super fail

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Will be posting more photos of our Camotes trip. And perhaps some videos by Eman too. Thanks for dropping by. Til next!

moral code

(1) obey local customs and laws, (2) make decisions on the best evidence and then stick to them firmly as though they were certain, (3) change desires rather than the world, and (4) always seek truth.

Discourse on the Method; Descartes

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Style Idol: Marion Cotillard

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Fallen

 

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