Musings of a 30-something Something

I miss my old life, my old self. A lot has happened and many things have changed. I’ve changed. I feel nostalgic most times. Perhaps it comes with age. When I was younger, I could easily get over unpleasant and humiliating circumstances. It seemed fairly easy to make myself forget things I consider unimportant or trivial. But lately, for some reason, the things that I purposely made myself forget all those years ago come flooding back to memory, and am no longer as capable in numbing myself. Feeling the hurt and shame like a fresh wound, I start to hate myself realizing the folly of my past complacence.

I’ve never cared much about gossip, even if it was about me. I’ve always been too sure of myself that I’m not capable of doing, let’s just say, anything overly unacceptable. So, I’ve never felt the need to explain myself. I hate having to explain myself. Why should I? Opinions are subjective and circumstances are relative. Besides, I hate(d) confrontations. I deem(ed) it crude. But how wrong I was. When done right, it could actually be a great weapon against mischief. The “Let them think what they want to think. I’m not doing anything wrong” mentality has somewhat been my bane. Truly. But looking back, my complacency, and, er arrogance, has not only hurt me but the people I hold dear.

So, fast forward to now, I wish I could have gone quite extreme and bitch-slapped a few people. Actually, throwing a punch or two is most preferable. I should say I’m a bit bolder now, more outspoken, tougher. Oh, if only I could turn back time. BUT! There’s always a but! It’s a new year and with my acquired layers of thick skin, I might be able to remedy a few of those unpleasant circumstances brought on by a) a woman’s insecurities and paranoia, b) a man’s swollen ego, c) my complacency (resulting to) d) ignorance, and last but not least, e) my often too trusting, foolish, feeble self.

Anyway, this entry has ran longer than I intended. I apologize for the seriousness of this post.

On to a lighter subject. It’s the awards season! I can’t wait to see the red carpet fashion for this year, and of course, who get the gongs for the various awards. So, who are you betting to win the most coveted awards at the various ceremonies?



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